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Here's what
seems to have happened:
The evening
begins around 7:30, with the PA powered up and a DAT perched in the back
near the beer.
There is then
a great deal of futzing about and a disgraceful display of last-minute
song learning from Duboce Triangle while audience early birds make a dent
in the Corona. The first interesting thing that happens is Add's sound
check with I'm
Moving To San Francisco, probably improvised.
Damian (of
Duboce Triangle) appoints himself Master of Ceremonies and welcomes the
visiting songfighters including Frankie Big Face and The John Benjamin
Band (both from Pennsylvania) and Add (Colorado). It is discovered
that Ranch on Suede (another local) snuck in and is ready to join the
fray, also that his Kissing Co-Contestants are expected soon. Damian walks
any neophytes though the songfight concept and then it's time for...
Fight #1:
Black Hole
The
John Benjamin Band, Frankie
Big Face, and Add
spar deftly. All are lined up after and the audience designates Frankie
as this evening's first winner.
The next fight
is chosen and Brandon (who's kindly agreed to drum for everyone all night)
is coaxed onstage for...
Fight #2:
Dad, I'm Changing
Duboce
Triangle, Frankie
Big Face, and Add
offer up sterling renditions. DT exercises its hometown advantage and
takes the vote, secretly thankful that metalmags isn't around to show
everyone how it's really done.
The rest of
Kissing Contest has shown up and are willing to impress everyone with
their songfight classic, Standing
In The Death Car. The audience chooses Don't
Dance to follow, which is the first of several fights in which
Add is victorious because all opponents are too chickenshit to have prepared
competing songs. Soon afterwards comes...
Fight #3:
Tracks For Future Practice
Duboce
Triangle defends against The
John Benjamin Band and Frankie
Big Face. The vote is
called and quickly falls to Frankie (his second
victory this evening). Then it's right back in the ring for...
Fight #4:
Watch Your Face
Where Frankie
Big Face is trounced by the Milwaukee
Youth Center Choir despite having the word "face"
in his band name. The crowd soon clamors for the next
fight to be...
Fight #5:
Red Robot
Milwaukee
Youth Center Choir supplies their hit, albeit in the wrong key.
The majority of attendant songfighters gather to back up Add's
epic masterpiece. Frankie
Big Face proceeds to rock the house, but all fall to The
John Benjamin Band's theme-songy winner (and its cheering section).
Gail and Scott
(proprietors of Hot Lunch) request an improvisational fight named after
their space, and consequently...
Fight #6:
Hot Lunch
Kissing
Contest supplies (and then attempts
to disown) a rockin' jam, after which Milwaukee
Youth Center Choir's entry is much aided by the fact that Gaby
works in a deli. Brandon quickly convenes a new band called Rejected
Gift to croon mournfully about childhood and the noontime meal.
Frankie Big Face
sings about girls and The
John Benjamin Band one-ups him to earn a faceoff
round with MYCC...
Fight #6a:
Third Wheel
In a vain
attempt to settle the previous fight, Milwaukee
Youth Center Choir and The
John Benjamin Band return to the ring for another improv round.
The crowd insists that it is tied and Damian berates
them mercilessly. On that note, it's...
Fight #7:
Stronger Than
Duboce
Triangle slops its way through another favorite. Since Kompressor
is not available, The
John Benjamin Band busts out its blissful arrangement, and to
cap Rejected
Gift invents an entry on the spot. The declared winner is unclear
on tape, but you can judge
for yourself.
Fight #8:
Listen Close
Frankie
Big Face lays down some of his patented
stage banter and then his song. The audience has become so sparse
and so drunk that MC
Frontalot comes out of hiding. Add
recruits Gaby and afterwards aids Ranch
on Suede with his a capella. A vote is had and the Front takes
cake.
Now it's Add
time. He struts his stuff in two unopposed fights: 1000
Swords (cut short here by a tragic DAT accident) and Shipwreck.
This brings us all the way to...
Fight #9:
Yellow Lasers
MC
Frontalot irritates all with his filthy ditty, and Ranch
on Suede redeems the entire evening by singing from behind the
drum kit. Frankie
Big Face rocks the house and The
John Benjamin Band propels the crowd into a clap-along frenzy.
People are sick of voting at this point, so it's declared that everyone
is a winner. This is quickly amended to: everyone is a loser.
Fight #10:
Do It For Captain
Frankie
Big Face and The John Benjamin Band are tired of backing
each other up and join forces outright. Add
responds with an unplugger. Afterwards, there is no talk of winning.
What the hell's going on?
Fight #11:
Run Free
Frankie
Big Face has had too much budweiser. The
John Benjamin Band gets its groove on. The hour grows late,
but one of the insanely hot chicks from Kissing Contest requests...
Fight #12:
On A Line
A seeming
chorus of angels descends from the heavens to aid with Frankie
Big Face's harmonies. Add
lilts through yet another classic, then The
John Benjamin Band, unfatigued by the evening's rigors, lays
down the final fight number with the same fresh buoyancy as the first.
Damian tells
everyone to fuck off and
the equipment is taken out to Brandon's van, but not before Gaby can lead
the sleepy-eyed fight crowd in a rousing chorus of Raspberry
Beret. A lovely evening of brilliant
combat and lame jokes draws to
a close.
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